What is domestic violence (DV)?

According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV), domestic violence is the willful intimidation, physical assault, battery, sexual assault, and/or other abusive behavior as part of a systematic pattern of power and control perpetrated by one intimate partner against another. It includes physical violence, sexual violence, psychological violence, and emotional abuse. Domestic violence does not discriminate on the basis of race, religion or socioeconomic status. While domestic violence impacts the lives of people of all backgrounds, society does not treat all survivors of domestic violence and abuse equally. Social biases influence how society perceives survivors of domestic violence, and stereotypes often create barriers for care and assistance.

The frequency, form, and severity of abuse can vary dramatically. One component of domestic violence is one partner’s consistent efforts to maintain power and control over the other. Domestic violence is not caused by substance abuse or anger.

How do I know if I’m experiencing domestic violence or abuse?

If you say yes to any of the following questions, you may be experiencing domestic violence. Please be aware that every situation is different and unique, and there are other forms of abuse and violence outside of this list.

• Does this person hit, kick, stomp, slap, choke or punch you?

• Are they extremely jealous or possessive?

• Do they tell you that you never do anything right?

• Do they put you down? Publicly?

• Do they pressure, coerce, or force you into sexual acts that you don’t want to do or are uncomfortable with?

• Do they refuse to use protection or otherwise try to sabotage birth control?

• Do they force or pressure you to do drugs or drink alcohol?

• Do they destroy your belongings?

• Do they harm or threaten to harm your pet if you don’t do what they say?

• Do they try and keep you from seeing your friends or family?

• Do they control what you wear?

• Do they demand your paycheck or control your money?

• Do they tell you no one else will ever love you?

• Do they follow or stalk you?

• Do they threaten to “out” you if you identify in a marginalized community?

• Do they threaten to have you deported, based on your citizenship status

• Do they undermine you?

• Do they try to convince you that your feelings are invalid or your sense of reality is wrong?

What if I don’t want to or am not ready to leave?

People experiencing domestic violence do not always want to leave the relationship. We recommend talking to a friend, counselor or hotline and coming up with a safety plan. A safety plan includes a safe place to go and a plan for what goes with you.

• Plan an escape route in case you ever need to quickly leave your surroundings.

• Know whom you could call and where you could go if you needed to leave.

• Leave an overnight bag with a friend.

• Come up with a safe word with someone you know and trust. If you call that person and use that safe word, that person will know to call the police or utilize another form of support that you two have discussed.

• Make electronic copies of important documents so that you always have access to them.

If you live in Cambridge, connect with our Community Support staff. For more information on what kinds of help they provide and how to contact them, please see our Community Support Partnership page.

Is there anyone I can call and talk to?

Yes! We have a 24 hour hotline that operates 7 days a week. If you’d like to talk to someone about your situation, please call 617-661-7203.